As an only child, my closest relative growing
up was my cousin Christopher. We were close in age,
and he was the brother I never had.
Sadly, Christopher died in a freak accident in
the summer of 1992.
To say that this broke the hearts of everyone
in our family is putting it mildly. He was only 19 at
the time of his death.
The hardest part was the fact that I had never
had the chance to say goodbye. We hadn't been in touch
in a long time, it was a matter of our being young and
leading different lives. But I always had a very strong
bond with him.
His death was very hard for me to accept- I
varied between anger at him for dying and
profound sadness that his light was extinguished too soon.
In 1995, near the anniversary of his death, I
was feeling very sad and low on faith. Both my
parents were raised Catholic, and my mom is very strong in
her faith, and always attended church on Sundays.
On this particular Sunday, I was feeling
disillusioned with our local parish, which I felt
was cold and closed-minded, and not very welcoming.But
as disillusioned as I was, I never lost faith in
God, and I also believe in Jesus.
However, on this day, I sent a very strong
prayer request to God:
I prayed to Him, that I was so sad about Chris'
death, and that I was getting fed up with the
Catholic faith, to the point where I was going to
consider converting to a different faith. And I
prayed to God, that if He wanted me to stay
Catholic and not switch faiths, to please give
me a sign that day in church.
I also asked for a sign to
let me know that my cousin
Chris is O.K. on the other side.
Well, God and Chris gave me the most incredible
signs that very day.
I went to church with my mom, trying to keep an
open mind, and was pleased
that the theme of that day's reading was the
Prayer to Saint Francis of
Assisi, as I love Saint Francis. He is known for
his gift with birds and
other animals.
I was also comforted that one of the hymns that
day was 'On Eagle's Wings'
which had been played at Christopher's funeral.
However, I believe that the most profound
lesson I learned that day in
church happened during the mass.
My mother sometimes worked as an usher during
mass, and during this mass,
one of the other ushers came up to my mother and
I, and explained that they
were short one person, and needed someone to
carry the gifts up to the
altar, and he insisted that I bring up the gifts.
Well, I was knocked for a loop, this had never
happened in all of my time
attending this church. I was obviously nervous,
as I wasn't quite sure what
to do, as I had only carried up gifts during an
aunt's wedding, which had
been a long time ago. But the usher insisted that
I do it, so I relented.
When the usher placed the cup of communion, or
Body of Christ, in my
hands, and I began my walk down the aisle, what I
can only describe as a
beautiful peace and healing washed over me- I
literally felt light emanating
from me- Christ's light.
And the priest at the altar had the most
beautiful smile of welcome on his
face, and in that moment, I knew I belonged and
was very loved. And I felt
the light I just described literally healing me-
it washed away so many of
my doubts, worries, and past hurts.
The message I believe I received was that it
was not God's will or God's
fault that certain members of the church had
treated me badly from a young
age in this parish, due to being a child of
divorced Catholic parents. And
that it is not the Lord who excludes people from
his love, it is the
unfortunate fact that sometimes it is
close-minded people in His church who
make others feel shut off and excluded- they
exclude others from their own
love, but not from His love.
I am grateful that God heard me and answered
my prayer that day. And
while I have not yet been confirmed in the
Catholic faith, as someone who
has been baptized in the faith and can receive
communion, I have tried to
focus on the beautiful side of the Catholic
faith, such as the Saints and
Psalms and belief in God and in Christ.
However, this is not where my story ends...
I had also asked God for a sign that my cousin
Chris was O.K. on the other
side.
After the wonderful healing I experienced while
bringing the gifts to the altar, I returned to my seat
very happy, and thought that would be the end of
my 'message'.
However, after church, something remarkable
happened.
Shortly before this day, I had come across a
beautiful poem by a Spanish poet, Eugenio Florit,
titled Elegy For Your Absence.
It is a beautiful poem with a wish for someone
who has passed on to be happy. It wishes the person
who has passed to have wings and fly.
I copied this poem down, and put it up on my
wall in my bedroom, along with a photo of Chris in a
bright yellow sweater.
When my mom and I left church, we were stunned
to see two bright yellow birds perched on the fence of
the church. And they were not afraid, and looked
right at us.
When we began to walk up the street, these
birds followed us, chirping, from tree to tree. Finally,
one of the birds flew away, and the other remained behind
for a few minutes in a tree, watching me intently before
flying away.
I have looked in many bird books, and the type
of birds we saw literally do not live in that area of
the East Coast- and I have never found a bird matching the exact appearance of the birds we saw.
I have no doubt that those birds were sent to
me as a sign by Chris and God that he is O.K.
No doubt at all, because 2 days later, my mom
was talking to a friend of hers, and he told her to
read Psalm 91. She promised to read Psalm 91, and
went on her way.
Later this same day, my mom and I were out
shopping, when my mom excitedly came running into
the music store where I was, and insisted that I come
to a bookstore a few doors down...
My mother had gone into the bookstore to look
around, and she saw a beautiful woman sitting
in a chair reading. This woman had a bright yellow
bird on her shoulder and a Bible in her lap!
She explained the story of the birds at church
to this woman, and came to get me.
I of course immediately went to the bookstore,
where there was indeed this beautiful woman with a
Bible in her lap and yellow bird perched on her shoulder!
This woman also has a very strong faith in God,
and believed as I do, that God sent me to her that day.
We looked up Psalm 91, and talked for awhile
about faith and God. The bird on her shoulder was her pet.
As it turns out,
On Eagles' Wings is based on Psalm 91!
She also gave me some valuable advice: I was
single at the time, and she emphatically advised me
not to lower my standards when dating.
I have since been in some serious
relationships, but found her advice to be very helpful
and helped give me the strength to end some relationships
that were just not meant to be.
Thank God I did, because I have since met a wonderful
man, who is veryloving, strong, and spiritual. Of course
we are both human and not perfect, but he has shown me such patience, understanding, and unconditional love, that I can truly say he was worth waiting for. No matter what happens, I am very grateful that he has come into my life.
You may now think that this is where the story
of Chris and the yellow bird ends, but it is not.
Shortly after I met the woman with the yellow
bird, my mom came home from a local thrift shop and
said, 'You will NEVER believe what I found!'
She carried into the apartment a framed print
by an artist named Edmund Adler.
The print is that of a little boy who looks
just like Chris as a little boy, in a German outfit,
complete with cap and feather.
And in the little boy's lap is a cage with a
bright yellow bird. In this print there is also a
little girl with red hair- I have red hair and believe
this symbolizes me.
Did I also mention that our family is part
French and German?
Again, there is no doubt at all in my mind that
this was Chris' way of letting me know that he too heard
me, and that he is O.K. on the other side.
Chris also had a very good sense of humor, and
I believe his sending yellow birds more than once is
his way of making it clear to me that it is
indeed him sending the message, and that he is O.K.
Since these experiences, Chris' theme of the
yellow bird has continued, and he will also send a
yellow rose as a symbol of his love and our bond.
So, as much as I miss him, I know that Chris
is O.K. and that even in his death, our bond will
not be broken.
